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Resentment – full relationships after babies (GUEST BLOG)

WARNING: I would just like to enlighten you all with the fact that whilst I write this blog I am listening to our wedding playlist, the first song being the Macarena so who knows how this post will actually turn out, or if it will be skew-if considering the boppy love tunes I have playing while I write. Heck maybe I intuitively turned on the playlist to prevent any unnecessary nasty behaviour.

I am sure that if you are in a relationship and have popped out a child you have stumbled across the issue of resentment post-baby.

‘But I WANT to go to work. But this is MY weekend. But you get to see your friends ALL week. You’re the driver because I work all week. You have to cook because I worked all day. I’ve been up all night, all week, so this weekend you have to watch the baby. I bathed her, you read to her, I cook dinner, you cook dinner, you walk the dogs, I feed the dogs. Blah Blah Blah.’

We work ourselves up all week, goss bag to our mates and then literally want to tear each other’s hair out when we finally get some one-on-one time together.

I feel like these resentment issues are rife among many of my beautiful Mumma friends and their husbs lately (including myself).

The confusion and misunderstanding that we, and husbands, so innocently acquire is something that can literally RUIN relationships and families so I feel like it’s an issue we should acknowledge and attempt to fly kick where we can.

I will admit, after almost two years being a full time Mummy, it’s not only easy to forget some days how important my role is as a mother but it’s also easy to forget just how much a man needs the reassurance that we appreciate the hard work they do day in and day out.

We forget just how sensitive men actually are, even if they don’t like to admit it. While we will wave our hands in the air, curse and swear about petty things and talk for hours to our friends, men tend to create little balls of fire that they like to let out when fishing or surfing or drinking or gambling.

It’s easy to forget most of us are just doing our best with what we can right in front of us. Whether it be raising a child, running a business, providing a roof over our heads or getting a nutritious meal on the table. Whether your providing money, health, knowledge or comfort for the family, they are all just as important as each-other.

Personally, I find it easy to forget that my role as a mother is just as important as heading out to work every day. Why? Well, while Daddy is working 12 hour days and weekends, I am heading off on daily adventures. Showing our baby the world, what things taste like, what things feel like, how we do things as humans. Don’t get me wrong, not once has he ever stepped in to tell me that I should or shouldn’t be doing things. It’s all me. I can’t help but feel like the privileged one. And what Mum wouldn’t really? I know we all have hard moments and hard days but if there is one thing that we REALLY want to be doing with our lives, it is spending it with our beautiful children and to be able to do that is a HUGE blessing, right?

And then the husband gets home and we are all like ‘she shat on the floor, wiped it all over the walls, destroyed the vacuum cleaner, ate half a box of epsom salts and screamed the whole neighborhood down at our local coffee shop whilst tearing off her clothes’ and he’s like ‘oh I saw the photos of you at the beach and out to lunch, looks like you had a great day? I bet it was better than being on your hands and knees all day?’

OKAY I totally get it. I really do. It would be hard looking from the outside in for the Daddy’s. All cuddles, smooches, sunshine, lattes and lunch dates. They come home just in time for you to get your fucking shit together and have the baby asleep, dinner on the table and your hair free of peanut butter and boogas.

But then you lay awake at night in a zombie daze just staring at their useless nipples wondering how on earth men were created with only one bodily purpose, to ejaculate. Is that it? Really? They will never experience cracked nipples, period pains, after birth poo or the ring of fire as your/THEIR baby enters the world?

I mean, there’s really no wonder that we headbutt on occasions. But then I tell myself, it really isn’t their fault they were born into the world with a penis, right?

And they probably don’t understand just how much a mother may question their role and how much they wish they could do absolutely everything for their family AND their husband.

They probably forget on the daily that childcare costs literally zillions of dollars here in Aus, that many mothers would actually prefer to go to work some days or that trying to build a business from home with a baby is like trying to win a game of jumanji.

Bringing a baby or babies into the world can create a very short fuse between relationships. Man and woman doing their absolute best to make their child’s life amazing.

And then, get this. Have you noticed that many of the MEN and many of the WOMEN, do it separately? We start this journey of parenthood together and then so many of our relationships are split in two. The man goes out to work while the woman fends for the life that they created TOGETHER.

Key word here people. TOGETHER.

Don’t let your mini human make you feel like all of a sudden your detached from each-other. When they steal the center of the bed leaving only your toes touching, don’t give up hope. Re-connect. Remember that this little human is a product of YOUR love.

Next time you want to hurl your daily issues at your partner and vice versa remember that we are in this together (man and woman) and the last thing we need is to lose eachother.

Top 12 tips from my research (that I am yet to use):

  1. Remember who you were together before baby! Try not to get to adulty. Remember we are all kids at heart and we are only as young as we feel.
  2. HAVE MORE SEX – and if you don’t feel like it then fake it until you make it, you won’t regret it.
  3. Cuddle, kiss and write cute messages.
  4. Get rid of the short fuse. Its useless, toxic and a complete waste of our short time here.
  5. Get more sleep – yeah right. But try.
  6. Count to 10 before speaking to eachother. Breathe.
  7. Give eachother a break. You want a ladies lunch? He gets the fishing trip.
  8. Be conscious of each-others feelings. We all have feelings remember.
  9. Schedule date nights. That you both enjoy.
  10. Let eachother have good times but make sure you also make time to have fun together
  11. Create a word to stop arguments and use in times of need.
  12. Swap anger with empathy. Anger leads to nothing.

And for all those Mummas out there that would be interested in hearing some more information about how to handle your husbands and get the most out of your relationship together, keep your eyes peeled because we have an exciting event coming up in October!

Courtney has a 15 month old daughter, Ruby, and lives on the Sunshine Coast in QLD.

Self-described as an “over-thinking, wine-drinking, gym loving, foodie with an anxious mind but a determined heart”

You can check out more of this hilarious mum’s musings and antics at MUMSGONECRACKERS

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